The Yaoi Files
by ScytheWielder
Summary: *updated!* Pure humorous yaoi, spawned by my friends and I. Nuns, young children, and homophobes, please vacate the area immediately. Some pairings may be extremely illogical, but we promise this fic will make you laugh your guts out. XD
1. Poem One

__

This is a Slam Dunk poem my friends Rui, Nadare_69, Neurotic Snorter and I made. (We call ourselves Demented Incorporated for short. ^_^) Basically, this fic is pure humorous YAOI (about RuHana) , so if you're homophobic or just against homosexuality, you can go smack yourself with a mop like Rukawa-san did and never witness any of this nonsense ever again. (hehehe… I warned you…)

****

Disclaimer: Slam Dunk's **NOT **mine. If you do threaten to sue me, all you'll get is my tennis racket, which I previously misplaced. (find it!) If you're my mortal enemy by the initials of EV, you can shoot yourself up a basketball hoop 'cause you won't get anything from me! Oh yeah, my friends don't own Slam Dunk either, so you can't sue them too. :P

__

Well, here it is. The first poem from **The Yaoi Files** by Demented Inc©!!!

Constant Vigilance

Hanamichi was vexed

For they didn't have sex

He was quite perplexed

The situation was complex

All he wanted was ejaculation

But all he got was devastation

He was stuck in concentration

Unknowingly experiencing constipation

Rukawa, that little fox

Kept himself hidden in a box

Along with Hanamichi's smelly socks

The whole predicament really sucked

Inside his compartment

He huddled like an ornament _(?! A/N: ask rui and nadare-sama)_

Still without accomplishment,

Hanamichi's balls needed nourishment

__

Gross, wasn't it? 

__

There's still Poem Two, and it's all about SenRu!

__

(don't worry, we put a lesson in this second one, just to prove obscene poems can sometimes be wholesome too… ^_^)


	2. Poem Two

__

This is a Slam Dunk poem my friends Rui, Nadare_69, Neurotic Snorter and I made. (We call ourselves Demented Incorporated for short. ^_^) Basically, this fic is half-humorous, half-serious YAOI (about SenRu) , so if you're homophobic or just against homosexuality, you can go faint like Rukawa-san did and never witness any of this nonsense ever again. (hehehe… I warned you…)

****

Disclaimer: Slam Dunk's **NOT **mine. If you do threaten to sue me, all you'll get is my brother's golf club, which I previously broke. (fix it!) If you're my mortal enemy by the initials of EV, you can dress up like an Oendan girl for all I care and jump off a cliff 'cause you won't get anything from me! Oh yeah, my friends don't own Slam Dunk either, so you can't sue them too. :P

__

Well, here it is. The second poem from **The Yaoi Files** by Demented Inc©!!!

__

(This one is a lot more serious than the last, 'cause we put a "lesson" in it)

Pain In My Brain

Rukawa and Sendoh together in bed

One was pumping, the other half-dead

When time came, Rukawa said,

"Stop it Sendoh, you're making me red!!!"

With a wink he replied, "I'm sorry,"

"It's just that you're making me so horny!"

Sendoh was hesitant, the scene was so gory

But they went on, 'cause this was just a fan-made story

With Sendoh tired, in came Rukawa's turn

But then Rukawa's stomach started to churn

Sendoh gave in, deeply concerned

For if he declined, Rukawa's love he would not earn

Aside from being hungry, Rukawa was in pain

Because he tried to look for love desperately in vain

What was he doing?

Man to man?

THIS WAS INSANE!!!!

Nevertheless, his forlorn heart was still slain…

__

Sad, wasn't it?

__

The lesson here is that you should never look for love in vain. Rukawa was just tolerating Sendoh (**MY** bishonen, **NOT** rui's, **NOT** nadare's **NOT** neurotic's!!) so he could finally get the love he longed for so deeply. But, he was wrong to choose a man (**MY** man, mind you) for a partner, so his heart was still devoid of the passion he needed. Lesson two would be never to have EXTREMELY intimate relations with your own gender. I better stop. I sound like a teacher!! WAAAH!!

__

There's still Poem Three, and it's all about KoguSui !!

__

Coming soon!!


	3. Poem Three, Version One

__

Well, one year isn't actually "coming soon"… Sorry for holding you up, people!

Ohohohoho! We're back from the dead, and we're waiting for this poem to be read!!!

This is a Slam Dunk poem my friends Rui, Nadare_69, Ripples (she isn't neurotic snorter anymore…) and I made. (We call ourselves Demented Incorporated for short. ^_^) Basically, this fic is suggestively humorous YAOI (about MitKo—we don't call it KoguSui anymore) , so if you're homophobic or just against homosexuality, you can go have a heart attack like Anzai-sensei did and never witness any of this nonsense ever again. (hehehe… I warned you…)

****

Disclaimer: Slam Dunk's **NOT **mine. If you do threaten to sue me, all you'll get is my sister's swimming goggles, which I previously poked holes into. (waterproof them!) If you're some bitch out to ruin people's lives, you can lose all your front teeth for all I care 'cause you won't get anything from me! Oh yeah, my friends don't own Slam Dunk either, so you can't sue them too. :P

After much anticipation, we bring you…

The third poem from **The Yaoi Files,** by Demented Inc©!!!

This is the first version of Chapter Three: Of Pinafores and Whores. 

Of Pinafores and Whores (v.1.0)

Bling, bling,

The doorbell rings,

Along with Mitsui,

Bearing a ring.

Kogure opens the door

In a fluffy pink pinafore

Mitsui blinked, his eyes were sore

Was this his beloved pet whore?

Mitsui scratched his head,

So badly he wanted to go to bed.

They headed to the backyard instead,

Not in the garden, but inside the shed.

Then here comes the sexy part,

We'll make a work of art!

Let's hope nobody farts…

Lest our inspiration shall depart.

They entered the shed,

Hearts excited with dread.

In the corner, a tiny mouse feasted on crumbs of bread,

A scream came from Kogure, he wanted it dead.

Mitsui grabbed a basketball nearby,

Hoping to strike the mouse and watch it die.

Instead, he tripped and hit Kogure square in the eye,

Of which made the effeminate man cry…

Mitsui suddenly turned chibi mode,

As he ran to his lover while dropping his load.

(…the basketball, you dope!)

From fright, Kogure was nearly KO'd,

When out popped a toad.

With the blink of an eye and a merry croak,

Mitsui stopped dead in his tracks and began to choke.

Kogure stifled a smile,

Toads were Mitsui's phobia all the while..

Carefully avoiding the horrid creatures,

The two began caressing each other's features.

They stopped, and decided to get out of the shed…

They'd take matters more seriously in bed.

__

Ya know, I didn't like this one very much. It didn't have the zest that our SenRu and Ru Hana had. Hn. What do you think?

There's still Version Two, and it has a lot more for you to do!!

Random Musing:

Yay!! We just had our graduation this morning of March 21st, 2002!! twirls diploma around G'bye, stupid grade school! On to the higher things in high school!! Woohoo!


	4. Poem Three, Version Two

__

Well, one year isn't actually "coming soon"… Sorry for holding you up, people

You know what's up here already. No need to type it over and over again. **The same disclaimers apply**, as with the other three chapters of this Slam Dunk silliness.

****

Ally, we apologize for insulting Megane-kun. We love him too, and we don't want anything bad to happen to him, ya know! ^_^ We're really sorry! If it'd make you any happier, we're dedicating this final Kogure chapter to you. Gomenasai!!! XD

After much anticipation, we bring you…

The third poem from **The Yaoi Files,** by Demented Inc©!!!

This is the second version of Chapter Three: Of Pinafores and Whores. 

Of Pinafores and Whores (v.1.0)

Bling, bling,

The doorbell rings,

Along with Mitsui,

Bearing a ring.

Kogure opens the door

In a fluffy pink pinafore

Mitsui blinked, his eyes were sore

Was this his beloved pet whore?

Mitsui scratched his head,

So badly he wanted to go to bed.

They headed to the backyard instead,

Not in the garden, but inside the shed.

Then here comes the sexy part,

We'll make a work of art!

Let's hope nobody farts…

Lest our inspiration shall depart.

They entered the shed,

Hearts excited with dread.

He couldn't hold it any longer,

As he watched his man in the corner

Slithering his body all the way down,

Offering Mitsui a dance,

In a sea of pleasure he did drown.

In a hurry, Mitsui rushed over,

And in the corner trapped his lover.

"C'mon Kogure, let's do this together,"

Mitsui offered, his arm on Kogure's shoulder.

And so they went out and stopped this disorder,

Realizing what they did was improper,

They were in the wrong place and at the wrong time,

So they hopped on the bed and did more lime.

__

What do you think? Is this version better than the last?

There's still Chapter Four, and it's freakier than before!!

(hehehe, the next one HAS to be the weirdest pairing ever… you'll never know what hit ya!)

__


	5. Poem Four

_Laziness overwhelms me…_

_This was supposed to be up two months ago, but due to our stupid graduation practices and my obsession with procrastination… well… ^___^_

_Freaky pairing in this one. If you're a purist, don't bother to read. 'tis Sakuyagi with a bit of kitsune too…_

_As with the other chapters, **the same disclaimers apply**._

_We bring you…_

_The fourth poem from **The Yaoi Files**, by Demented Inc©!!!_

Ménage à Trois 

Miyagi and Sakuragi

Doing hardcore yaoi

In came Mitsui,

As well as Rukawa and Akagi

They were shocked at what they had seen,

But they decided to shut up, so as not to be mean.

They sat in the corner, faces flushed,

But Rukawa stood alone, his heart crushed

The two lovers didn't know

That their affectionate kisses had become quite a show

So they continued on, all the way down

'til Rukawa stopped them, his face bearing a frown

"How dare you leave me alone,

out there, shivering in the cold!"

so he stripped off and joined along,

doing hardcore yaoi, non-stop, all night long.

Pointless, wasn't it? Maybe we've been drinking too much iced tea… 

_Reviews, flames, and whatnots are accepted, as long as they're not about how wrong some certain aspects are. We already warned you, after all… _


End file.
